While we promote unity, inclusiveness, and harmony across all forms of theology, humanism, and ways of life. We have turned into a society that tends to promote shades of grey mentality. Shades of grey mentality resulting in the greatest opportunity to twist, resist and reword the Bible making it more convenient for individuals. But when we read the Bible, there are very few shades of grey. The Bible is predominantly black and white, right-or-wrong, sin or sinless. And if we desire God’s results, we must follow God’s words, not a watered-down all-inclusive version but the unadulterated truth.
Deuteronomy 5:16 ‘Honor (respect, obey, care for) your father … (The Amplified Bible. Bible Gateway, biblegateway.com, Accessed June 19, 2021).
I was raised in foster care and for many years struggled with this scripture. Feeling that I owed my biological nothing because he was not a major contributor to my life. His role was getting my mom pregnant. My foolishness was supported by others and that was all the energy I needed to hold on to the thought.
As I grew in Christ, my soul would not allow me to continue to think that I owed my biological father nothing. So, I allowed the Holy Spirit to contend with feelings of rejection, abandonment, and resentment. And I learned that the God who formed me in my mother’s womb, the one who saved me, the one I made Lord over my life, knew, and knows who my father is. And I was instructed to choose whether to follow the word of God or my feelings because they two disagreed on this topic.
It was a valid fact that other than conception my father was not a major contributor to the continuation of my life cycle. An even more valid fact is that when I made God the head of my life, I resigned the right to live in my emotions and old mindset. I was immediately set on the path to a renewed mind and righteous living. Facing the truth of my biological father was warring with the path laid before me by my Heavenly Father, and I chose to honor the word by showing my earthly father kindness and love.
At first, this was not easy. I think the first time the Holy Spirit instructed me to call him for Father’s Day I cried before the call, and I wailed after the call because the obedience felt unfair to me. Now, years later it is expected not only for me to call but treat him to dinner, buy a gift, or spend the day with him. It is very rare for us to not share space, time, and energy during the Father’s Day weekend. And I attribute it solely to growth in the Holy Spirit.
If you struggle with the same issue, allow me to share this tidbit of information. The Bible tells us to honor our father. To follow this command, we must throw away the shades of grey mentality that says:
- but he was not there for me
- he beat my mom
- he abused me and my siblings
- he was an addict
- he had an entire family outside of us
- he died and left me with a desperate mom and abusive stepdad
Remember child of God that we have all fallen short of the glory of God. There are many reasons why we do not deserve the relationship that we have with God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit but by His mercy, we have been forgiven and can fellowship with Him. And we must also forgive our earthly fathers and allow them the opportunity to fellowship with us as well. Please be realistic, if there are valid circumstances that do not allow a relationship we must wisely choose to love from a distance. We then turn to God who knows all things and rely on the Holy Spirit to mend us as children of the Most High God, restore all our broken places, free us from any condemnation from the severed relationship, and live in Christ with no guilt.
But I was instructed to mend the relationship and the Holy Spirit ministered these scriptures to me:
Deuteronomy 5:16 ‘Honor (respect, obey, care for) your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that your days [on the earth] may be prolonged and so that it may go well with you in the land which the Lord your God gives.(The Amplified Bible. Bible Gateway, biblegateway.com, Accessed June 19, 2021).
As I struggled with honoring my father, I decided to do it simply because it was commanded of me. But there is an extremely enticing reward attached to honoring my father. Long life and a life where things will go well for me. Severed parental relationships can manifest as pure evilness in the heart of a child. If there is no care, reconciliation, forgiveness, or freedom from the child’s evil heart it will transfer with them into adulthood and disrupt their entire existence. If you cannot bring yourself to honor your father for him, consider the damage it has already caused in your heart and honor your father for your freedom. Releasing harsh feelings towards your earthly father will catapult your spiritual growth.
Psalm 68:5a A father of the fatherless.(The Amplified Bible. Bible Gateway, biblegateway.com, Accessed June 19, 2021).
By the way, we have Abba. For everything that your biological father is not; Abba is. All the gifts not received by your earthly father; Abba has given you great gifts starting with salvation. Every time you felt abandoned by your earthly father, Abba promised to never leave you or forsake you. The times your earthly father was not there for you to cry on his shoulder; Abba bottled your tears, counted the hairs on your head, and is aware of every aspect of your life.
As a child of God, we can no longer get distracted by what our earthly father was not but be overwhelmed by everything that our Heavenly Father is. Removing the pressure from our earthly fathers who are born in sin and shaped in iniquity, used by the enemy of our soul (Satan) to discourage, distract, and disappoint us. Making us unable to trust our earthly fathers with the hope of transferring that same distrust towards our Heavenly Father. But the devil is a liar! We honor, reverence, and obey our Heavenly Father and we will honor our earthy fathers as well.
Prayer:
Most Gracious Heavenly Father,
Your word is a light unto our pathway. We ask the Holy Spirit to light up the darkness that has hidden in our hearts concerning our earthly fathers. Confront us with any hidden rejection, abandonment, or disappointment that may hinder our walk in Christ and our love for our earthly fathers. Show us how to submit to the word that disagrees with our flesh and supply us with the courage to correct our actions. Remind us that even when something is right according to the world, it may not be right for us according to your word. As we continue to apply biblical truths to our lives, renew our minds, plant our feet on the stability of your word, and lead us into victorious living.
In Jesus Name,
Amen
Categories: Journey
I can relate to this post also having been a foster child and having had an abusive step dad. I had to forgive in the same manner. I recall the day I saw my step dad come for a visit and I was trembling and crying in hatred and fear. I a voice spoke to me., A voice O now know was the holy spirit. And that voice commanded and demanded that I forgive my step dad stand right where I was. I was obedient. I also had to humble myself with my biological father whom took an opportunity at my mothers death to walk away from his responsibilities but I forgave him and we developed a relationship. Was it the typical father/daughter relationship? No but I love my dad and I always wanted him in my life. We buried him last year in May when Covid 19 entered all of our lives. I miss him and I think about him I have very few memories and not alot to smile about when I think about him. But he is still my Dad. Happy Father’s Day, Harry Lee Jacob. Love you Dad
Thanks for your support. We are from the same hometown and our biological mother’s were friends. Your mom tragically passed shortly after the birth of your youngest sister. You and your siblings were then separated, and a few years later I was removed from my mother’s care and placed into foster care also. She too has now passed. Facebook reunited us and I was very happy to know that you and all of your siblings have stayed in touch with each other. Once Covid-19 has truly calmed down we must have a face to face.
I can honestly say we don’t look like what we have experienced and your smile is a beacon of light. I am happy you were able to reconcile with your father’s and now that they have passed you are guilt free. There are a lot of bound people in the world because they would not forgive. You are on the right path! Continue to shine!