During a break room chat, I was confronted with a conversation that was biblically untrue. My initial thought was to ignore the conversation. I may have been caught off guard with the subject matter being boldly discussed in a break room setting. Or I may have wanted to devour my lunch in peace, during my brief thirty-minute lunch. Perhaps, I wanted to simply disregard the subject all together. But there was no getting around the fact that a small group of mostly Christian women were having an open discussion about pornography, masturbation, and sexual toys.
Committed to having the conversation, the ladies were listing the reasons for their participation in the lewd behaviors:
- Protection from disease
- Protection from abusive males (be it verbal or physical)
- Lack of attraction or interest in the men interested in them
- Lack of fulfillment by previous partners
I agreed that these were some valid arguments when considering sexual pleasure. But I adamantly disagreed with the decision to disregard men and please themselves. In 1 Corinthians Chapter 7 The Apostle Paul (whom I personally feel did not like women) clearly stated that being single is best; but if you cannot control your fleshly desires marry. It has been debated that his statement “it’s better to marry than burn” could mean burn in Hell or burn with passion. I like the concept of burn with passion, because it includes lust, desire, and yearning that takes place when a man and woman have sexual feelings towards each other. (Grace To You, Self-Control, Passion, and Marriage, April 20, 2020 using an excerpt from The McArthur New Testament Commentary on 1 Corinthians 7. Accessed October 22,2020).
I explained that I was not passing judgement, because I too have had my share of disappointments with men. I unashamedly shared that I was speaking from a repentant heart. After a heart wrenching divorce, I too convinced myself to indulge in self pleasure, but it was not fulfilling for me. Pleasuring myself achieved the expected goal, but it never quenched my desire for intimacy. I desire the full effect of warmth, kissing, conversation, and pleasure. Pornography only showed me what I was missing, masturbation and sex toys were expensive and required efforts I was not interested in performing for myself. Trying to cling to the word of God for healing and pleasing myself was a conflict of interest. So, I chose to wrestle with abstinence. The break room conversation self-destructed.
Later a break room participant approached me. She expressed that she was struggling with the whole pornography, masturbation, sex toys and faith issue. I advised her to search the word of God for clarity to make an informed decision. Reminding her Christians follow a different set of rules than the world; and lining her life with the word of God takes commitment. I asked her to consider the word lascivious which is defined as a person’s behavior that is driven by thoughts of sex (“lascivious”, Vocabulary.com, https://www.vocabulary.com, Accessed October 22,2020). These thoughts of sex can lead to a desire to fulfill the passion (lust, desire, yearning) and can be replaced for many with pornography, masturbation, and sex toys. All a trick of the enemy, because it rarely satisfies and more than likely becomes an addiction. I compared it to putting out a fully engulfed house fire with a water hose. The water hose hits a spot, but the rest of the house remain in full flames.
I shared that pleasuring oneself is total disrespect for the unity God created between man and woman. I encouraged her to explore the creation of man and woman and think about how our sexual parts unite us to one another. How they work together for ultimate satisfaction and extension of life through children (Genesis2:7, 21-24, The New King James Version. Bible Gateway, www.biblegateway.com. Accessed October 22,2020). Nothing can replace it! I asked that she consider the shame that comes with replacement acts. If they were not sinful, we would not sneak or hide to perform them. Unless someone is totally consumed with lewd behavior, the acts are performed in secrecy, private locations, preferable dark places, and alone. All pointing to the fact that there is an internal admittance of inappropriate behavior.
I concluded my hope was that the personal study would lead her repentance. I encouraged her to ask the Holy Spirit to assist with holiness. “For God did not call us to uncleanness, but to holiness.” (1 Thessalonians 4:7, The New King James Version. Bible Gateway, www.biblegateway.com. Accessed October 22,2020). I advised to ask the Holy Spirit to alert her to the triggers and thoughts that encouraged the lewd behavior; and pray for them to be replaced with godly thoughts. I also shared my favorite scripture about secret faults. “Who can understand his errors? Cleanse me from secret faults. Keep back Your servant also from presumptuous sins; Let them not have dominion over me.” And we parted ways. (Psalms 19:12-13a, The New King James Version. Bible Gateway, www.biblegateway.com. Accessed October 22,2020).
Sexual sin should not be accepted as normal practices for the people of God. We must seek holiness and purity. We cannot embrace the worlds normal; we must do what is biblically correct. Once engrossed in sexual sin we must repent. A repentant heart coupled with devout determination destroys sin. Assisted by the guidance of the Holy Spirit we can be sanctified and lead to a life of purity and holiness.
Categories: Journey
