Losing my job of 26 years showed me how little I trust God. It was easy to say that I trusted God when I could see all my needs were being met. But when my limited retirement savings were exhausted, and no jobs responded to my applications. I had to ask myself the question, “Do I trust God?” Well, panic, loss of sleep, and failing to be confident in my chances of survival answered me with a resounding “NO!”
My trust in God was superficial because it had endured a tremor but not testing. And this test was drowning me. While using what should have been investment money from my IRA with a double tax, fine, and fees; I had more money available to me than my job offered. I had time to volunteer, a flexible schedule, and many of the things I hoped retirement would bring. But because I was forced into temporary retirement, I refused to enjoy myself.
At this crossroads, I had a decision to make. Was I going to limit God to the tasks of a natural father, or trust God and lean into His love as the supreme father who will never leave me and takes care of me? Jesus, take the wheel! I did not know what my financial future looked like, and that was frightening to me. Ever since I was a teenager, I could support myself (so I thought). And the thought of financial ruin haunted me.
So, I woke up to pray, read the word of God, got into the presence of God, and listened for His instructions on what to do with this life. While waiting, I volunteered, revamped my book that was on hold for retirement, launched a small business/contracting service, and focused on a daily journey rather than a future of ruin. I was getting to know God as Abba Father and understanding from the pages of the Bible how deeply He loves me. I was building a business on the faith that He will provide all that I need to sustain and succeed. Allowing patience to perfect my walk in Him, as I embraced righteous living, practiced what I learned, and trusted God. And the more I trusted Him, the more areas of my life I released into His capable hands; and I surrendered it all.
And although I am continuing to use my IRA and continuing to seek employment. I am not drowning in despair but resting in Him. And when I catch myself looking behind me, I pray, read the Word, and get into the presence of God, where I am strengthened to reposition myself and look ahead to a future that is God’s will. Because I have confidence that God’s will be done in the lives of those who love and obey Him.
Categories: Journey L L McAdoo Straight From The Heart
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